


Decisions

by silvertrails



Series: Quick to Anger [5]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: Caranthir tries to understand his feelings.





	Decisions

**Decisions  
** By CC  
January, 2017 

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit is made and no harm is intended. I go mainly for Home 12 canon in all my fics. 

This is my answer to the SWG January Challenge: Taboo. I chose: Violate Laws and Customs of the Eldar, Incest, and Found Out.

* * *

**Prompt: Violate Laws and Customs of the Eldar**

Airamaril was kissing him, and as much as Carnistir tried to keep a clear head he was slowly forgetting everything about proper courting as he pulled her closer. They were outside the city, having come out for their weekly ride. Airamaril loved horses, and she was as bold and adventurous as Írissë. 

They had known each other since childhood, and as they grew up, they had started to feel attracted to each other. Their relationship had slowly changed, and now that they were of age, Carnistir wondered if they would become husband and wife. 

“Carnistir…”

Carnistir smiled sheepishly, realizing that he had allowed his to mind wander. Unforgivable, but intriguing because…

Airamaril pulled at one of his braids, “Carnistir!”

“Sorry, Maril,” he whispered, and kissed her. “I was thinking of you.”

She smiled. “I know, but I am here, so kiss me.”

They lay down on the soft grass, and started to kiss again. Carnistir could not help but sense Airamaril’s pleasure, which increased his own. She knew that he could read minds, and he had promised to never read hers, but feelings were other matter and Carnistir found himself immersed in a pool of pleasure and desire. 

“I want more, Carnistir…”

“Maril, our parents---”

“Will never know,” she whispered against his lips. “We are young, and we love each other. Why care about our laws and customs?”

She looked so beautiful… her blue eyes bright, soft, dark hair escaping her braids. Carnistir made a last effort to clear his head.

“Are you sure?”

“I am, but maybe we should not stay here. Írissë told me that she was coming to the forest with Tyelkormo. I wouldn’t want them to find us now.”

That was a risk Carnistir was not going to take either, so he stood, and pulled Airamaril up with him. They both donned their cloaks and pulled the hoods over their heads. There was an inn further south, where travelers used to rest. Soon they were galloping in that direction.

As they reached the inn, doubt creeped in Carnistir’s spirit once again. It was not that he cared that much for the laws and customs of their people, though his father would not appreciate this. It was something else, but he could not understand what was troubling him. 

Airamaril wasn’t a conventional maiden, which was the reason why Carnistir loved her. It was a strong feeling, but it merged with physical desire and he could no longer separate them in his mind. Why were things so complicated? Even when he was not reading minds, sensing others’ emotions made it difficult for him to let go.

“I don’t want us to take the vows, Carnistir,” Aramaril said as their approached the inn. I can see that you are not ready, either. Let us keep our freedom for now, for we don’t know if we are meant to be together.”

“I feel the same, Maril, but aren’t we supposed to bond if we go through with it all?”

“Bonds can be broken, which is why I don’t want to make them. You see what happened with Makalaurë and Isilmë.”

“Their bond is intact.”

“Only in name,” she said, looking as serious as he ever had seen her. “They are not going to live together ever again.” 

Carnistir wanted to believe that they would, because Makalaurë looked miserable all the time, and had taken to compose the saddest melodies… But Airamaril was right. Their bond was all but broken.

He nodded. “Let us go where our hearts take us, and time will say if we shall take the vows or not. For now all I know is that I love you, Maril.”

Airamail smiled. “And I love you, Carnistir. Let us be free to love each other in whatever way we want. That is what freedom means.”

They dismounted and gave their horses to a stable groom, their hoods still covering their faces. They were free, but there were limits to that freedom when you where the King’s grandson, and Fëanáro’s son. 

**Prompt: Incest**

Carnistir looked up from his book in time to see an elfling walking too close to Finwë’s favorite fountain. He rushed to her side and managed to take her hand before she walked into the water. The elfling smiled at him, and her golden curls reminded him of Findis’ newly born son. 

“Merilë! Thank the Valar I found you!”

“Mama! Prince Carnistir is holding my hand!”

“She was walking near the fountain.”

“Thank you for keeping her safe, Your Highness,” she said. 

Carnistir smiled. “I did what anyone would have done. Lady Calimarë, is it?”

“Yes, and thank you again, Prince Carnistir. Say good-bye, baby.”

Merilë waved at him, and looked back many times as her mother took her away. There were so many elflings running around Finwë’s garden. They came with their parents to celebrate the birth of the new members of the royal family. 

Four newborn babies was too many babies, Carnistir mused. As always, his father was proud of having defeated Nolofinwë. Having two babies was better than having only one, Fëanáro had said. _Lucky you that didn’t have to give birth to them_ , Nerdanel had pointed out. They were both happy, though, and so were Nolofinwë and Anairë, but no one was as happy as Findis and Morifindë with their firstborn. They had named him Laurëfindil. 

_What are you doing here alone, cousin?_

Carnistir slammed his mental shields down, which made Aikánaro wince. It didn’t make him go away, though. Annoying, as always, but too beautiful for his own good. Carnistir glared at him, but Aikánaro had just come of age, and seemed to believe that this gave him the right to bother him. 

“What do you want Aikánaro?”

“Adult company,” he said. “Can I sit here with you?”

Carnistir started to shake his head, but Aikánaro just grinned and dropped down on the ground beside him. 

“What are you reading?”

Carnistir sighed and closed the book. “Nothing, because you are speaking to me, Aikánaro, so tell me what do you want and be gone.”

Aikánaro looked at him for a moment. “Is it true what I heard? Are you going to bond with Airamaril?”

Carnistir looked at his cousin for a moment. He and Airamaril had parted years ago. After that night when they had shared their love in the inn, they had remained close, as lovers, and then friends, in their freedom to live as they would.

“No.”

Aikánaro moved to his knees, ruining his clothes with grass stains. “Are you certain?”

“I said no.”

“Good.” 

Carnistir gave his cousin a look and grabbed his book again, hoping that he went away. It didn’t happen.

“What now?”

Aikánaro’s pale skin was flushed. “I don’t want you to bond to anyone, Carnistir.”

Of all the… Carnistir bit his lips to stop himself from saying something he might regret. Aikánaro was still looking at him, and there was defiance in his blue eyes. 

“I don’t think you have a say on this, cousin. I answered your question. I believe it’s time for you to go away and let me read in peace.”

It happened so fast that Carnistir was unable to stop it. One moment Aikánaro seemed to be about to leave, and the other he was kissing Carnistir on the lips. 

Carnistir almost gave into it. 

_He is my cousin, and he has just come of age._

_Father will never allow it._

He pushed Aikánaro back. “What do you think you are doing?”

“I don’t want you to bond with anyone,” Aikánaro said again, and then he stood and left. 

Carnistir didn’t follow him, or tried to touch his cousin’s mind. The kiss had awakened something he didn’t know was there, and it was disturbing to say the least. When had he started to feel like this? Had Aikánaro sensed it? No, his cousin could not have sensed something so hidden in the depths of his mind. 

Carnistir grabbed the book and threw it away, and when that did not calm him, he started to throw small stones into the fountain. 

“You should not do that.”

“Tyelkormo, did you see?”

Tyelkormo nodded and placed a hand on Carnistir’s shoulder. “I did. Come with me, little brother. Grandfather wants everyone back in the castle. I suggest you dance with cousins Írissë and Altáriel, or with Airamaril.” He grinned.

“Not now,” Carnistir said. His father and Nolofinwë would be there, probably checking on Maitimo and Findekáno, but he had to be careful. The last he needed now was that they saw Aikánaro glaring at him.

**Prompt: Found Out**

Aikánaro slowed down his horse, and shielded his eyes with a hand, trying to find the path he was looking for among the dense foliage of Oromë’s forest. He was lost. Aikánaro could find his way by looking at the stars, but the sky was too bright because of Laurëlin’s light. 

Why had he believed that he would be able to track Carnistir? Even if his cousin was not a hunter, he had learned the basics with Tyelkormo. All Aikánaro knew about hunting was… that he knew nothing! He could fish and sail a boat as if he had been born in Alqualondë, but that ability was not useful to find your way in the middle of a forest. 

_I will find him. I am tired of waiting for him to admit his feelings!_

For that, Aikánaro had to find his way out of the forest, though. He was about to urge Bright Star into a canter when the horse stopped, ears up, body tense. Aikánaro was feeling something too, a presence. A shielded mind…

“Who goes there?”

There was no answer. 

Laurëlin’s light was waning and all Aikánaro could see were golden shadows that made the forest an eerie place. 

There was laughter in Aikánaro’s mind.

_::Carnistir! You…!::_

Carnistir came out of a tree that was behind Aikánaro. So his cousin had been following him all the time?

“Not all the time,” Carnistir said. 

“Stop reading my mind, Carnistir!”

“Shield your mind, then. You know how to do it, don't you?”

Aikánaro was fuming. He loved Carnistir, he was certain of that, but he also wanted to wipe that mocking smile off his face. 

Carnistir sobered. “What are you doing here, Aikánaro?”

“I was riding through the woods.”

“And got lost?”

“No.”

“Relax, cousin. I got lost in here once or twice when I was an elfling. Turko was not the most patient brother, and he got lost at least once too.”

“I’m not an elfling!”

“You are barely of age.”

Carnistir was standing so close that Aikánaro wanted to touch him and kiss him again, but he reined himself in. He took a deep breath.

“Why do you stay away from me, Carnistir?”

“Because you are too young to know what you want, Aiko; and because our sires will never consent… We are close kin.”

“You have feelings for me.”

Carnistir looked at him, and carefully smoothed Aikánaro’s unruly hair. “Of course I have feelings for you. That is precisely why we have to stay away. What would your father think if he knew?”

“Nothing will happen because we will be careful.”

Carnistir moved away suddenly. “As careful as you have been now? You are lost! You might have ended up deep into the south, the uncharted area of Aman. I am certain than Angaráto is already looking for you.”

“I don’t care if Angaráto is looking for me. I came here looking for you because I am tired of waiting for you to make up your mind!”

“This whole idea is crazy… You are crazy and I…”

Suddenly, Carnistir pulled Aikanáro close and kissed him. It was a fierce, possessive kiss, and Aikánaro could feel his own spirit flare as Carnistir opened wide their mental link. Aikánaro was burning with Carnistir’s fire. 

_::I will never let you go, Aiko.::_

_::I don’t want to leave, Carnistir.::_

“You are a fool, but so am I,” Carnistir said against his lips. “I love you, cousin. Eru help us.”

Aikánaro buried his hands in Carnistir’s dark hair. “We will stay together no matter what. I love you, Carnistir.”

They kissed again, and Aikánaro knew that he was not going to return to Tirion tonight. He didn’t care as long as he was with Carnistir. They would think about this later. For now all Aikánaro wanted was to be with his cousin.


End file.
